


Starring Role

by joshuahongkong



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, But theres no actual smut, JiHan, M/M, Sex is also implied, THIS IS SO SAD IM SORRY, also theres cursing btw, mainly bc of soonyoung tho, seungcheol and jihoon and wonwoo are only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshuahongkong/pseuds/joshuahongkong
Summary: "It almost feels like a joketo play out the partwhen you are not the starring rolein someone else'sheart."





	Starring Role

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !! This fic is was strongly influenced by "Starring Role" by Marina and the Diamonds. Its a great song and even though its not necessary, listening to it may give you a little more insight on this. Either way, I hope you enjoy it :)

Jisoo stared at the faint glow of the alarm clock. 3:27. Another minute gone by. He sighed.

This wasnt anything new, yet Jisoo still stayed up every single night waiting for Jeonghan. Waiting for Jeonghan to come home pissed drunk and needy as ever. Jisoo was actually surprised that there wasnt a permanent indent on his side of the bed from the countless nights he sat there, curled up into a ball, teary-eyed.

As if on cue, there was a struggle heard at the front door and Jisoo rose, rushing to open it. Jeonghan didnt know how to handle a ring of keys when he coudnt see straight, so Jisoo helped him out.

The brunette boy was met with dull eyes and a half-assed smile. Jisoo thought he looked beautiful anyway. Jisoo helped him inside.

"Thank you sweetheart," Jeonghan slurred, holding onto Jisoo's shoulder for support. He reeked of alcohol, and sweat, and a cologne that Jisoo had never smelled before.

"No problem, Jeonhannie." Jisoo simply replied, setting the man and himself on the couch. "Do you want water?"

"That would be nice."

Jisoo strode to the kitchen, quickly filling a glass with clear liquid. He returned, placing it in the older boy's hand. No 'thank you' was expressed. Jisoo didnt mind.

"Come sit down," Jeonghan patted his lap, like he was calling a dog instead of his boyfriend. Jisoo complied, straddling the older. Jeonghan smiled, grabbing onto the brunette's thighs. "Do you know that I love you?"

Jisoo nodded, melting into his touch. "Yes, I know." He wrapped him arms around Jeonghan.

"Mm. Good," Jeonghan kissed Jisoo's neck. "I love you so much." He pecked the soft skin, stopping to suck on a particularly sensitive spot that made the younger moan.  
Jisoo was like putty in his hands.

"I love you too." Jisoo managed to mutter through his sounds of pleasure. He really did love Jeonghan, even though he was a fucked up person. Jisoo loved Jeonghan so, so much.

Jeonghan stood up, Jisoo still wrapped around him, and carried him to the bedroom.

\------

Jisoo woke up naked, and to an empty bed. He checked his phone, reading the two word text sent from Jeonghan an hour earlier. 

'Im out.'

Jisoo got up to shower.

As the warm water slowly wet Jisoo, he thought about what happened only a few hours earlier. His heart swelled a little at the memory of Jeonghan telling Jisoo that he loved him. As much as he hated the stench that radiated off of Jeonghan when he was drunk, it seemed to be some of the only times that the blonde ever told Jisoo he loved him. If only he felt that way while sober, too. Jisoo turned the water off.

Everything was so dull. Jisoo picked out a t-shirt and sweatpants to wear, placing a cap on his head. Who cares what he wore? He already had a boyfriend, there was no one else to impress.

Jisoo grabbed his keys and cell phone, walking out of the house and making his way to the local cafè. He was meeting a friend. On the way, he saw a couple holding hands, and laughing. It would be lying to say that he didn't feel his heart sink. Him and Jeonghan used to be like that. A long, long time ago. He looked back down at the pavement, walking on.

"Jisoo," his friend waved him over as soon as he walked into the small coffee shop. Jisoo smiled.

"Hey Hosh, how are you?" Jisoo took a seat, setting his stuff on the table.

"Busy. God, Im so busy. School has been crazy, can you believe my professor has given me 2 days to complete a 5,000 word essay based on the different types of, get this, trees. Fucking trees. Who cares about trees? Give me an essay about, I dont know, weed or something. Thats an essay i can finish easily." Soonyoung sighed, rolling his eyes. "Anyway," He rubbed at his temples, "how are you? How have things with you and Jeonghan been?"

"They've been good," Jisoo nodded, more or less trying to convince himself other than Soonyoung. "Jeonghan's been working late alot."

"Are you okay with that?"

Jisoo paused, carefully considering his answer. "Sure," he laughed, deciding to make light of the situation, "more money for me. Its just irritating when he comes home late every night. But work, you know? He has to do what he has to do."

Soonyoung nodded, "How late does he come home?"

"Um," Jisoo fiddled his fingers, biting his lip. " Like, three a.m. Its not that big of a deal though."

"Jesus," Soonyoung's eyes widened. "Not trying to break you guys up or anything. But shit, are you sure he's at work, Jisoo? I dont want you to get hurt." He reached over to hold the older boy's hand. Jisoo pulled away. "Jisoo?"

"Yes, Soonyoung. I am sure that my boyfriend is at work. My boyfriend works very hard and he would not do anything to hurt me. He loves me very much." He eyed Soonyoung, looking for any sign that he didn't believe the recited phrases he'd memorized months earlier. Soonyoung just nodded, and he relaxed a little.

"Okay, I'll lay off. Im sorry. Lets order something." Soonyoung motioned toward the menu, picking it up.

Jisoo's phone buzzed, a text message popping up on the screen.

'im home, where are u?'

Jisoo stared at the screen, fingers ghosting over the keyboard. He closed the screen without answering. He picked up his menu. "Im not hungry, I'll just get a coffee. I can pay for us?"

"Dude, yes. Im broke anyway. I was hoping you were gonna say that." Soonyoung laughed. 

Jisoo managed to crack a smile. A real, genuine, smile, "Dont max out my credit card this time though, you dick." 

"Agreed." Soonyoung called over the waiter, ordering both of their things. He turned back to Jisoo as soon as the waiter left, "Seokmin has been bitching me about cleaning my dorm lately and, if Im being honest, he's got a point. The place is a dump. Are you in to help me clean?"

"Um, no? I have lots of important things to do."

"What? Why?" Soonyoung pouted, looking like a hurt dog. "Please? Im afraid I'll drown in the mountains of clothing."

Jisoo sighed, "Okay. Fine. Only because youre my only friend and Ill have no one to boss around if you die. But you owe me."

"Yes!" Soonyoung shouted, startling an elderly lady passing by. He lowered his voice, "We can walk there as soon as i finish this badass sandwich that my best friend in the whole-wide world bought me." He smiled as the waiter approached.

\------

After several hours of cleaning Soonyoung's dorm (Which, by the way, was way worse than Jisoo could have ever imagined. Who keeps half-eaten pizza boxes under their bed?) Jisoo sighed deeply as he walked through his own front door. The house was silent for a second, he almost thought he was alone.

"Jisoo." Jeonghans voice echoed. It wasnt threatening, or scary in any way, but it still sent shivers down the younger boy's spine. "Where have you been?"

"I was with Soonyoung. He needed help." Jisoo shrunk into himself as Jeonghan appeared in the doorway. His skin glowed in the faint light of the hallway, and Jisoo couldnt help but admire how lovely he looked. 

Jeonghan stared for another few seconds before nodding, "Okay." He turned to walk away.

Jisoo stepped forward, "Wait, um." he stuttered, "How was your day?"

"It was fine. Thanks" Jeonghan responded without turning back. Jisoo followed him to the room.

"Thats good. What did you do?"

Jeonghan went back to staring. He layed down on the bed, "I was with Seungcheol. Then I was with Jihoon. Then I was with Wonwoo. I was busy today."

Jisoo didnt dare to ask what he was so busy doing. The flush on the older's face and his swollen lips told him everything he needed to know. Jisoo sat at the foot of the bed. "Okay, Jeonghan. Im glad your day went well. I love you."

Jeonghan didnt respond. He'd fallen asleep. Jisoo walked to him, kissing his boyfriend on the forehead before rolling onto his side of the bed and falling asleep as well, enjoying the first evening in months where Jeonghan had been home all night.

\--- 

The next morning, Jisoo woke up, startled to still feel heavy weight beside him in bed. Then he remembered it was Jeonghan. He was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Jisoo considered moving over to hug him, but he decided against it. "Good morning."

"Is it really a 'good' morning?" Jeonghan deadpanned. He turned to face Jisoo.

"I mean- is it?" Jisoo questioned, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," the blonde rolled over, stepping off the mattress and walking toward the door. Before leaving, he turned back for a second. "I'm wonderful."

Jisoo just stared as Jeonghan exited, feeling his eyes water a bit before quickly wiping them and getting off the bed himself. He walked to the kitchen where Jeonghan sat at the dining table, looking at his phone.

"Are you hungry? Im going to cook breakfast." Jisoo asked, standing by the refrigerator.

"No. Thanks." Jeonghan glanced up for barely a second.

Jisoo looked at him and suddenly he wanted to cry again. "Jeonghan," his shaky voice left him. He gripped the edge of the table Jeonghan sat at, knuckles turning white. "Jeonghan, what happened to us?"

The older boy set his phone down and rest his face in the palm of his hand. He sighed. "I think you know, Jisoo. We're just not-" he paused for a second, gathering his thoughts, "We aren't in love anymore."

Those words made Jisoo want to crumble. He'd thought about the possibility, but when he heard it said out loud, it became a reality. A cold and lonely reality. He swallowed. "We?"

"Yeah, 'we'. Come on, you cant say that you still love me, right? We're both very not-in-love anymore. We've changed." Jeonghan shrugged, reaching for his phone again.

We? We? No. Jeonghan changed. Jeonghan fell out of love. Jisoo still felt every part of his body aching with love for the blonde boy. He wanted things to go back to the way they were. But Jeonghan was a bitch and Jisoo couldnt help but hate him a little. Still, Jisoo couldnt let himself be vulnerable in front of Jeonghan. To be weak. So he just nodded.  
"Yeah. I suppose so. We did change." He was scared to say anything else.

After a silence that seemed to last an eternity, Jeonghan spoke up, "I think I should leave. Today."

Jisoo felt his mouth go dry. This was not whay he expected, or wanted. He watched as Jeonghan got up from the table. "Wait, wait. Leave?"

"Yeah. Leave."

"... Leave?"

"Jisoo."

Jisoo felt his world spinning around him. He gripped onto the table harder. "Please dont leave me." The words spilled out before he could stop them. 

"Im sorry." Jeonghan responded before grabbing his keys. "Ill go get my stuff."

"No," Jisoo breathed, grabbing onto Jeonghan's shirt. "Please. Please Jeonghan. I can do better. I can do anything."

The older boy shook his head, removing Jisoo's hand from him, "Its been too long. Theres nothing to do." He walked to the bedroom.

Jisoo felt like his heart was going to explode. He thought he was going to die. This was something out of his control. There was absolutely nothing he could do, and it physically hurt him. All he could do was cry. All he could do was sit down on the carpet, curl his knees up to his chest, and cry. And not normal crying, either. It was almost childlike, the way he was wailing and sobbing. He felt like he was going insane. Jeonghan reappeared in the doorway, "Can you please be quieter?"

Jisoo nodded apologetically, "I'm-I'm sorry" was all he could say.

"That's okay," Jeonghan replied before disappearing back into the room.

"Jeonghan," Jisoo sniffed, wiping his face, "Where will you go? At least stay here until you find somewhere."

There was a long pause.

"I have somewhere to go."

Jisoo didnt bother to question what that 'somewhere' was, but he's sure that he'd be happy not knowing. He continued to cry silently. 

Jeonghan appeared again, except with a large duffel bag in hand, "Im going to come back tomorrow for the rest. You'll be okay." He started toward the door. Jisoo reacted almost immediately, reaching out from his spot on the floor and grabbing Jeonghans leg. If he wasn't acting like a toddler before, he sure as hell was acting like one now.

He felt tears falling down again, "Jeonghan please," he looked up at the boy, who only stared down at him blankly. "Dont leave. I promise, I will do so good. I will never make you want to leave again. Please Jeonghan I cant-" he choked on a sob, "I cant live without you." 

Jeonghan leaned down, levelling himself with Jisoo, who looked so small. His expression softened to a look of almost pity. "You cant change my mind. Im sorry. I do not love you anymore. Please understand this." 

"Okay," Jisoo shut his eyes, "Bye. I love you." 

Jeonghan obviously didnt respond. Jisoo waited until he heard the front door close before opening his eyes. He then stood, walking into the bedroom amd taking in his surroundings.It was almost empty. Jisoo had never noticed how much the house had mainly beem filled with Jeonghan's things. Now only a few of his belongings remained. Jisoo felt empty, too.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, slumped over and sad. So sad. He wanted to cry again, but he was tired, too. He never thought this day would come.

He already missed Jeonghan. As much as Jeonghan didnt love him anymore, he didnt care. He just wanted Jeonghan back home. He wanted to text him, to maybe change his mind. But he realised that it was no use.

Jisoo continued to sit there for a long time, thinking. Thinking about Jeonghan, thinking about himself, thinking about his future, about everything. Then he stood up. He reached across the bed to grab his phone from the side table, finding a small piece of paper folded on top of it. 'Jisoo' it wrote in scraggly letters. He opened it.

'You will find someone better than me. Someone to make you happy. I am not that person. I am changing my phone number, please dont try to contact me again. You will be okay.'

One paragraph. Five sentences. Jisoo read it over and over until he had the phrases memorized. He could feel his sweat soaking through the thin piece of paper, and he crumpled it up.

'Fuck Jeonghan' Jisoo thought. Fuck him, and fuck all of his words. All of them. He grabbed his keys, not caring that he still wore the same outfit from the day before, and walked out the front door, tears welling up in his eyes. He felt the warm sun on his face, but his heart had never felt colder.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it :-)  
> My twitter is @girlsftsvt so you can talk to me on there if you want to!


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